This morning I was listening to a sermon by Bishop TD Jakes which I posted below, that talked about secrets. Secrets can be so dangerous and deadly. They can destroy relationships, defame characters and ruin reputations. The longer you hold them in, it can fester and eat you up inside. It will alter who you are and how you act. He mentioned that every woman on this planet had a secret that they didn’t want anyone to know. Immediately, I identified with that woman he was speaking of. He then went on to mention the story of David and Bathsheba, which can be found in 2 Samuel 11. David was king and Bathsheba was the wife of one of his officers. To make a long story short, David coveted Uriah’s wife and impregnated her. When his plan to cover up the pregnancy didn’t work, he had Uriah killed. So not only was he an aldturer but he was also a murderer. When their son was born he became very ill and subsequently died. This was the punishment for their sins. Bathsheba was overcome with grieve and probably felt so much guilt and shame. Her newborn son died because of something that she and his father did. I could only imagine how much she was beating herself up about losing her son. I sympathize and empathize with Bathsheba because I too had a secret that I didn’t want anyone to know about. I too walked around with guilt and shame. When I became pregnant with my son, I had barely known his dad. Yes, we worked together for years but we didn’t have a deep intimate relationship. I became pregnant 10 months after having a casual relationship with him and 2 months prior to me getting pregnant we ended things had no communication with each other. That wasn’t even the worst part in the entire ordeal. We discussed children and both agreed that we wouldn’t have any at the time. Matter of fact, I was adamant about having an abortion if I ever got pregnant. I later realized that I wasn’t being truthful with myself, so I couldn’t have been completely truthful with him. Yes I cared for him but we were not two people that were ready to enter into parenthood for several reasons. When I did get pregnant and couldn’t make the decision to terminate the pregnancy, and as you can imagine, he did not like it. In fact, he was highly upset. This would be the beginning of a very toxic and volatile relationship between us. He felt betrayed, lied to, deceived and tricked and I felt resentful, abandoned, betrayed and hurt. It was a recipe for disaster. For years I carried guilt and shame on my shoulders. I was afraid to speak my truth and kept everything to myself because I was embarrassed. I would try so hard to act like everything was fine and paint this perfect picture. I thought that would ease the pain and erase the shame. In order for me to grow and move forward, I had to learn to let go of all of that and most importantly forgive myself. Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves. We can forgive everyone else except the person that need it the most which is ourselves. The turning point for me was to take accountability for my actions and decisions, apologize, and most importantly take it to Jesus. I needed to sit down and re-evaluate my life and make the necessary changes. I also had to become desensitized in a way to the naysayers and everyone who had a negative opinion. Ignore and cut anyone off who was not in my corner. Declutter my life in every way possible. It didn’t and doesn’t matter what people think or say. They didn’t know my struggles, they didn’t know my battles, they didn’t know why I made the decisions I made and ultimately they did not know me! Like Bathsheba or Uriah’s wife as she’s referred to sometimes, I had to realize that even though I made a mistake and I messed up that God wasn’t done with me yet. That’s the greatness of God. He never leaves us when we are down. In fact, the Bible says that God is our refuge and strength, a present help in the time of trouble. Bathsheba went on to become pregnant with and birthed one of the greatest Kings of Israel, Solomon. The Bible said that God loved Solomon. Talk about God’s amazing grace. That’s the grace that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Isaiah 43:19 says “Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.” People may be whispering about your secrets and your desert and wilderness days but that’s ok. No matter what you’ve done, or where you’ve come from, God can still birth a king through you. He could’ve used any one of David’s wives to have this child but he used her. And guess what, she is listed as one of the ancestors of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Our redeemer came out of the lineage of an adulterous woman. So let go of your shame, let go of your guilt, lay it at the feet of Jesus, walk with your head held high. You may have done so terrible things but God can and still will use you. You are not only his child but there is a king in you. One of my favorite songs by Donald Lawerence says “what has happened is that the enemy has tricked you into thinking that you’re the head and not the tail, that you are a lender and not a borrower. That you’re below and not above”. We have to start acting like we have Kings growing and living inside of us. Tell yourself there is a King in me. Your secrets do not make you. Your mistakes do not define you. His grace is sufficient to cover anything that you’ve ever done. Don’t worry about your haters and doubters, God will take care of them. Just live your truth and walk in your purpose. So think, walk and act like the Mother of a King.

https://g.co/kgs/nijSm9

https://youtu.be/C-zIqdwYL_I